He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
