Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
