i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
someone owes me an orgasm
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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