He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
