I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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