hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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