they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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