He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
