i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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