it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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