I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
