At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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