My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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