Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
