im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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