yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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