Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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