god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
