i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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