Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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