Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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