Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
