She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
