Just cropdusted the office
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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