Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
