My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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