I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
