why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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