Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The adults are the big ones right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
