...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
