i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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