Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
