this just has baby written all over it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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