It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
