i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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