do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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