So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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