kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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