My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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