Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
