I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
