Your mouth is God's brothel.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
