Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
