Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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