My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
