bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
