just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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