shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
