I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
