Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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