I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
