Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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