If i come over, it means nothing
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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