what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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