I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize