Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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