i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
