i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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