PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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