i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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