Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
