Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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