It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
