I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize