wat bout pragnant strippers??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
