I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
