You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
