I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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